Stronger

It's been about a week and some change and I feel like I'm getting a bit better. I don't wake up suddenly every morning anymore. I don't have crazy dreams about my past anymore. It feels good to not go through that stuff everyday. I'm not gonna lie but that shit still lingers every now and then. The other day I went to the gym and I ran into her and it just felt like I went back to fucking square one again. HOLY SHIT did I lose my fucking focus. Excuse my language but I seriously don't want to see her, not right now at least. I really thought I was doing fine until I ran into her. At that moment I realized that I was not over her completely. I really wish I was over her but its not as easy as I imagine. But I'm not gonna lie, this is probably the easiest breakup I ever encountered. Maybe because I was expecting it to happen or maybe it was just the emptiness I felt during my time with her. All I know is that right now I am not as hurt as I used to be. I accept the fact that people grow and people change. I accepted that she grew and that she grew away from me. I accepted the fact that there is no such thing as forever. I also realized that promises are meant to be broken. The most important thing that I realized is that this is not the end of the world. I told myself that I shouldn't be feeling like this. She's young and so am I. Life keeps moving...with or without her. Why should I waste my time thinking about someone that hurt me so bad? Why should I care for someone that replaced me just like that? I'm think I'm more mad about the fact that she found somebody than anything else. I wish she realize what she realized before she met me. I wish I wasn't the one in this situation. I wish she woulda known this from the start. But you know what...wishing only gets you so far. I just need to get used to being single. I really don't want to start any sort of relationship with anyone right now. I don't want treat the next person with the kind of mentality that I have right now. She fucked me up badly with the whole trust issue thing. As of right now I don't think I can trust any female but I know that in time things will change. I know that I'm better than this... I know I can't base my future relationships with this unfortunate event. I refuse to hurt someone else just because I got hurt. I refuse to be that asshole that just wanna fuck then leave. I refuse to be the one that scars someone mentally. I am going to make myself a better man from this. I am really drunk as I wrote this entry even if I sober up, I am not going to edit this entry. This entry is truly how I feel, so when I do read this again this is a reminder DON'T ERASE THIS!