back at it again

welp its been a very long time since I've blog anything. Pretty much I only use this thing to get my thoughts out when I have no one to talk to. But I am here again and its the same reason why I started blogging to begin with. Thats right another heart break I am trying to endure. Heart breaks are never fun and it's the most painful feeling because it haunts you 24/7. During the day I can't really focus on anything my mind keeps thinking about one thing. Night time is even worst because you can't sleep and once you actually fall asleep you wake up 2 hours later wide awake with the most terrible thoughts running through every single part of your brain. All I could do at that point is just tell myself to calm down and stop thinking. I don't know if you guys ever try to stop thinking but the more I try to stop thinking the more I think. Life sucks when you get blind sided and the thing that sucks even more is when the thing blindsiding you is the person you love. I really didn't expect this break up to happen to me. My relationship felt fine and sturdy until the last few weeks. I shoulda seen the sign coming from her. How distant she was being with me with each weeks that goes by. Shoulda notice how she wouldn't even let me hold her or shoulda notice all the different habits that she picked up. Its been almost a week since we broke up and I feel like I'm getting better and better each days that goes by. Don't get me wrong I'm still feeling the pain every morning. The thing that kills me daily is the thought of her. I'm trying my best to gather myself together and move along. Trying not to play that woulda, shoulda, coulda game anymore. I'm trying to make myself stronger and I'm not talking physically. Right now my motivation for getting up each day is nothing. As I typed that right now it made me sick a little inside. Its just sad how I always let my heartbreak dictate everything around my life. Things won't be like this for long but I just wish it would stop already haha. This is around the time where everything is hard and I just want her back but I know she's not coming back and this is like a mental strength training for me. Listening to all these break up songs used to help me get through the night but this time around it seems as if its making me even more sad. Time to find other alternative now then! I'm getting pretty sleepy but I'm afraid to go to sleep, I'm not really afraid of sleep I'm more afraid of the dreams that the sleep brings. I guess this is all for now until then hope I get better pray for me!